my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
