watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
