Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
