Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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