SEEEEXXX PLEASE
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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