Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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