My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
