Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
