No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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