It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
