Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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