i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
