the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
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