I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm sobbing to NWA
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
