so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
