I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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