we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
