i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I'm both gender and math confused
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
