just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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