I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
That accounts for only three of the penises
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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