hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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