omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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