the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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