brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
