I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
