I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
