Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
