So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
The beers last night were like the tears from god
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
