A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
