is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
