he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
