the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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