Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
