so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
tell me about the eggs
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
