Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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