i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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