Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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