I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
