I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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