My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
If I die, sorry about rent.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
