he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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