I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
the condom got lost in my hair
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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