guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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