I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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