you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
