I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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