I wish I could punch you in the face.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
