I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
