id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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