We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Couch. On fire.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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