no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
