That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
