the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
