Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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