did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
This is not my ceiling
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
